Shot, Stabbed, Punched, and Burned {Part 1}

When I was a kid my dad had tons of stories about crazy things that happened to him. I guess the thought never occurred to me that I would one day have crazy stories of my own. I was saving these stories for my memoirs but I guess they can be used more than once. Among other things I have been shot, stabbed, and burned - today part one: shot.

I've been shot at several times. One summer I was riding my bicycle through a bad neighborhood near Tampa Heights when some guys tried to take my bike away from me. When I wouldn't give it to me one pulled a gun and shot at me. (I don't know what kind of gun I would guess an air gun of some kind). When I was in seventh grade, a kid tried to slash the tires of the school bus we rode, I didn't say anything about it but he thought that myself and some friends were the ones that reported him. So on one of the last days of school he shot at us (I think his name was Jamie) as we came off the bus he shot at us with what looked like a rifle. I thought it was a pellet gun but later found out that he was arrested for armed robbery with a rifle so it could have been real.

When I was like 7 I was shot, and hit by a pellet, fire by a friend Michael. He was playing with his dad's pellet gun when he wasn't supposed to be so we never told anyone. When I was at Boy Scout camp the summer between 7th and 8th grade I went to Camp Daniel Boone in North Carolina. A lot of bad stuff happened on that trip (also saved one of my Scout leaders from going over a waterfall and either dying or getting seriously injured - but that's another story), I got shot by a .22 caliber rifle. The range master called the all clear and told us to go get our targets. The range wasn't full because it was only the boys who hadn't finished their qualifying shots, to qualify for your rifle shooting merit badge you needed two targets with a grouping in a nickle size and one with a dime, I was a terrible shot and had to keep coming back trying to qualify. One of the guys on the far end didn't hear the range master and fired a shot while I was trying to find my target. I was close to 100 yards away and it just nicked my right shoulder. I used to have a small scar to show people but you can't see it anymore.

Next time... Stabbed!

New Rules... for your E-Mail

I was listening to an interesting discussion last night on the ways that people are becoming overwhelmed by Email, and there are certain ways that people are discourteous to Email readers by being vague, run-on, or sending unnecessary replies. So, after much discussion 10 rules were created by Chris Anderson a TED curator:

1. Respect Recipients' Time
This is the fundamental rule. As the message sender, the onus is on YOU to minimize the time your email will take to process. Even if it means taking more time at your end before sending.

2. Short or Slow is not Rude
Let's mutually agree to cut each other some slack. Given the email load we're all facing, it's OK if replies take a while coming and if they don't give detailed responses to all your questions. No one wants to come over as brusque, so please don't take it personally. We just want our lives back!

3. Celebrate Clarity
Start with a subject line that clearly labels the topic, and maybe includes a status category [Info], [Action], [Time Sens] [Low Priority]. Use crisp, muddle-free sentences. If the email has to be longer than five sentences, make sure the first provides the basic reason for writing. Avoid strange fonts and colors.

4. Quash Open-Ended Questions
It is asking a lot to send someone an email with four long paragraphs of turgid text followed by "Thoughts?". Even well-intended-but-open questions like "How can I help?" may not be that helpful. Email generosity requires simplifying, easy-to-answer questions. "Can I help best by a) calling b) visiting or c) staying right out of it?!"

5. Slash Surplus cc's
cc's are like mating bunnies. For every recipient you add, you are dramatically multiplying total response time. Not to be done lightly! When there are multiple recipients, please don't default to 'Reply All'. Maybe you only need to cc a couple of people on the original thread. Or none.

6. Tighten the Thread
Some emails depend for their meaning on context. Which means it's usually right to include the thread being responded to. But it's rare that a thread should extend to more than 3 emails. Before sending, cut what's not relevant. Or consider making a phone call instead.

7. Attack Attachments
Don't use graphics files as logos or signatures that appear as attachments. Time is wasted trying to see if there's something to open. Even worse is sending text as an attachment when it could have been included in the body of the email.

8. Give these Gifts: EOM NNTR
If your email message can be expressed in half a dozen words, just put it in the subject line, followed by EOM (= End of Message). This saves the recipient having to actually open the message. Ending a note with "No need to respond" or NNTR, is a wonderful act of generosity. Many acronyms confuse as much as help, but these two are golden and deserve wide adoption.

9. Cut Contentless Responses
You don't need to reply to every email, especially not those that are themselves clear responses. An email saying "Thanks for your note. I'm in." does not need you to reply "Great." That just cost someone another 30 seconds.

10. Disconnect!
If we all agreed to spend less time doing email, we'd all get less email! Consider calendaring half-days at work where you can't go online. Or a commitment to email-free weekends. Or an 'auto-response' that references this charter. "

I tried to give you just the most important part of the discussion highlighting it so that we all can be a little more digitally considerate. If you wish to read more http://emailcharter.org/

It's Not all Politics

I will admit that I post my fair share of political opinions and messages on Facebook, not so much on Twitter or via e-mail. There are certain things that I feel appropriate and conform to proper social network etiquette in expressing political opinions, and there are times when it is not appropriate. Somethings are just funny:

DO NOT MAKE EVERYTHING POLITICAL

Sorry, but it is just annoying when someone posts a funny picture or a pretty harmless question and someone inevitably makes it political. This happened twice on Friday, one friend posted some "Fail" photos people basically doing dumb things and someone had to bring up politics / politicians. There was another where it was "If you could be anyone for a day, who and why" someone had to put Obama so could undue all the bad he has done... It sounded dumb for a number of reasons.

I am not sure if I totally believe the old adage there are certain things you do not discuss in polite conversation religion or politics. I will say that there are times when it is rude or uncalled for, and in the new age of social networking some people need to learn there are times and places for your opinion and there are most certainly times when it is not appropriate.

We interrupt your scheduled program...

I have a normal schedule but every once in a while something comes along that changes it. Sometimes it is an advantageous change and sometimes it just plain sucks but either way...

It messes me up.

Take today for instance, I went to work 3 and a half hours later than usual to work the closing shift at the library and my day has not felt right at all. I am doing almost all of my normal Tuesday stuff on Monday and it just makes me feel unsettled and weird. Has that ever happened to you? This whole week is going to be different than normal so, if you see me and I seem a little... off, well you know why.

In the words of Tigger, "TTFN - ta ta for now"

Everyday beauty

Everyday I see stuff that I think is just cool. Sometimes it's an awesome sunrise or sunset, other times it can just be something as plain as frozen ice in my water bottle as you can see.

Elephant & Piggie

There is a series of easy reader books by author Mo Willems called "Elephant & Piggie". The elephant's name is Gerald and the piggie's name is... well,  Piggie.

I have reader hundreds of books to kids and none have gotten bigger laughs than Can I Play Too? in the Elephant & Piggie Series. When the snake character keeps getting bonked by balls the kids were laughing like I never have had in a story time. It was great! Besides the crowd response my son Jamie who is 6 loves the books and reads them over and over again.

I enthusiastically recommend the Elephant & Piggie books by Mo Willems for kids, and I think they are great too.

Exercise Envy

There is a lot that people envy: wealth, good looks, jobs, and usually stuff. I have noticed that the envy that I suffer from is exercise envy.

I know someone of you are thinking, Huh? What? How? Why?

My definition is when you envy someone's athletic ability, exercise activities, or an event that they are competing in.

First, I don't have the amount of time that I'd like to have to run, bike, swim, cross fit, weight lift, etc. This is either do to work, family, exhaustion, and church. Facebook really is part of the problem, I see friends who have the time and energy to do running, swimming, aerobic training, etc. all in one day or just more miles running than me. They post their activity, they show pictures, they are maniacs of fitness, and I love them so I'm jealous.

Second, when I go off to run or workout I say I'm going to do more than I have been doing but instead I get tired or discouraged and don't do it. Then sort of shrug and say, "Well, I tried", but obviously not hard enough.

In part I feel like I don't have the ability I did when I ran a marathon or did my first triathlon, but I know what I need to do. Pick an event, pick a plan, and start making time for it. Envy is a bad thing, we should be content and thankful, but if it helps you focus and do better maybe it's the kick in the butt you need. (Sounds like I'm talking to myself again, could be worse I could be carrying on a whole conversation with myself. What that's what I'm doing right now... d'oh)

Lollipop of the Absurd

For everyone there is a commercial that just drives them nuts. For me it is a Tobacco Free Florida commercial that says that tobacco companies make candy flavored tobacco to try and entice children to... use tobacco? I say use because THEY CAN'T BUY IT!

So stupid! Kids can not legally buy tobacco and it is absurd to say that they make a product for a consumer group that can not buy their product. I worked for a tobacco manufacturer and we never discussed children or even young adults. ADULTS EAT CANDY! Adults have money, like sweets, like certain flavors, and it is for adults that these products are made. Basically the anti-tobacco people want manufacturers to make their product as unappealing as possible. That's not their job, it is to sell a legal product and make it appealing to buy. Certain flavors, colors, and packaging helps sell the product.

It is an unhealthy product that can cause cancer and they have to post warnings all over their packages that say that. You can honestly say that they sell a poisonous and dangerous product but it is disingenuous to say that they are designing a product to be sold to kids. Get your message out without LIES. The facts are on your side, you make your case ridiculous by reverting to stupid and unnecessary distortions.

What Not to Wear

I have noticed with dismay that people seem to feel wearing PJ pants or running shorts / tops proper attire.

Most mornings I take my son to school and see at least 1 - 3 women wearing PJ pants. Please have some self-respect and put on proper clothes when you leave the house. You just seem lazy.


In the evening I work at Barnes & Noble and not a single shift has gone by when I don't see someone wearing running shorts and/or athletic attire. Really? You couldn't spare a minute to change afterward or are you trying broadcast your athleticism (not necessary). Again it seems lazy, and in this case a little gross, are you all sweaty and nasty because in that case go home and shower for all of us. You may look good and look good in it but it is designed for a specific activity not as "casual wear", in my opinion.

I'm not saying that everyone wear blazers and ties but in general people need to class it up a little and pay better attention to their wardrobe. You don't have to dress to impress all the time but dress like other people have to look at you and be around you and you understand that.

By the way, did some Google searching, there are others that agree with me and have pointed this out. Stop the lazy attire!

Just figured out 3 things:
1. Put in running shorts in Google image search - get weird results
2. Celebrities wearing running apparel in public are partially to blame for this trend.
3. I may be wrong on the running clothing thing, but it's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Uhh... I forget

So, I keep telling myself that I need to write more on my blog and do it regularly but because it's not high on my priority list it hasn't gotten done.

So, for now, some random thoughts:

my blog posts are too long they need to be shorter

I hate when people litter, saw a dude throw some trash the other day and it bothered me for an hour (I would have taken it myself but I was running)

People CAN NOT drive, they are horrible at it

I'd love to work more hours at my part-time job but I keep getting offered extra shifts I can't work, uggh

I am on day 12 of 90 days of trying to run at least 1 mile everyday

I love when you can see the sun rise or sunset and the sun isn't so bright that it hurts to look at it

I wish I could find more time to ride my bicycle

Thanks for reading -- I'm done for now

Can you follow instructions?

I had a library patron recently that kept having me help him with online applications. Most of the time people have problems with how do do things on a computer. For this gentleman that was not the case out of the 15 times he asked for help, I'd have to say 12 were for things that basically amounted to not being able to follow the instructions on the application.

Later that day I heard stories from other people at both jobs the library and Barnes & Noble about people that filled out applications incorrectly or asked a question during an interview did not answer the question. It brings me to a story of when I applied for UPS back in 2001. I showed up and there were 100 people applying. The HR person told us to carefully read ALL instructions and fill-in every box. If something did not apply to the applicant put "NA" or "not applicable". She told us that if we did not completely fill in the application or did not follow the instructions on the form she would put us in the back of the room and would be interviewed last. Only a few moments after handing out the applications five guys shot up and walked to the front of the room. The HR woman looked them over, said these are not correctly filled out, and handed them back - pointing to the back of the room. I was one of 20 asked to come back for a tour and additional interview at 3am the next day. Of the 20 people, 4 showed up and during the tour one said that she was no longer interested. They hired the three of us that finished the tour and a year later I was the only one still working there.

I know that there are a lot of people that need education or additional training for better jobs, but some people seem down right unemployable. Not being able to follow simple instructions or perform the basic task of filling out an application legibly makes it hard for you to get a job at even the lowest of playing places, and on top of that I hear people turn down jobs for manual labor. Hmmm

As I was writing this the same guy came up and asked again for help he had typed the website address in the Google search box. When we got to the website he needed he didn't know his zip code to find locations near him.

Perception is not Reality

I recently heard a book review and skimmed through the same book, and for the life of me can't find the title or a link to it right now, it discussed how we perceive things incorrectly and even create false memories. All of this is to reinforce our own beliefs and preconceptions, and the mind can do funny things. It does not mean that we cannot know the truth or reality it is just made more difficult by our own mind playing tricks on us...

This brings me to what I have been thinking about recently. I am constantly obsessed with my weight. When I was young I was heavy, at one point I weighed as much as 330 pounds. In 2008 I started a plan that I concocted that helped me lose 150 pounds (my lowest weight was 173). I was highlighted by a website which you can checkout here: (with before and after pictures). I have gained some of that back and average 185 lately I have been around 195.

There are times when I try not to be and give myself some leeway, like on vacation or trips. Otherwise I try to stick to an eating plan and keep a running total of the calories eaten in a day and about how many I have expended exercising. If I eat a little extra or have something not on my eating plan I try to compensate by more exercise or less food later in the day. I weigh myself once a week, usually...

But when I came back from my last trip / vacation My weight was 200 and I freaked out and have been on and off trying to keep better track of my eating, exercise, and weight. My wife was pointing out that my waist size hasn't changed and my clothes all fit the same. I haven't checked body fat percentage and it is possible there is more muscle.

It's hard to shake the fears, insecurity, and feelings of being overweight, obese, or just plain fat. I still see myself as fat, although I know that I am not. I try to keep it healthy and I remind myself what I did look like by looking at old pictures. I really have changed, even though my brain does not always remember that. Perception is not always reality.

Shoot for the moon

One of the most memorable phrases I received in sales was from my friend David Sather, he said "You shoot for the moon so you can land on the roof".
I'm sure he stole that from somebody else but I go back to it over and over again. I was telling my brother about the importance of setting goals; all the data and studies that back-up their importance. We set some year-long goals together;
but, like most people I'm sure I don't take my own advice.

Over the weekend I ran in the Gasparilla Distance Classic 5k and 5+3k. In the 5k, I didn't try my best but tried to put forth a decent effort 28:52. I really did try my best in the, let's just call it 8k, ending with a time of 44:12. That is like 8:40 per mile, which for me was disappointing so...

Time to set some goals, work on a plan, and shoot for the moon... it's the only way for me to PR (personal record).

It could always be worse...

Yesterday was going, OK then 2pm came and after that it was all down hill. I found out that a friend of mine passed away, which was unexpected and sucks. That in and of it self would make for a bad day. But THEN...

I get called into work which was sorta OK because I need more hours. But THEN...

I have this jerk that I sold an item to on EBay send me a message:
"Hey! You sent my package to Georgia! I am putting a stop payment through Paypal until this is resolved." I respond, "Whoa! Talk about jumping to conclusions I just put down the wrong tracking number. Here is the correct one" EBay buyer then leaves negative feedback later in the day saying that I shipped the hat in an old oatmeal box (I was trying to recycle and not buy a box) and charged $8 when it only cost $4 to ship. I explained that I was not trying to rip him off or anything but that I let Ebay automatically calculate shipping and that I would refund part of the shipping fee. He then complained about the hat itself and said that what I was offering was not good enough. I told him I refund all his money and that he could keep or throw away the hat. He still has not changed his negative feedback. and THEN...

I found out that I had to work with a manager that night at my other job that keeps us late and is disagreeable and THEN...

That manager kept us 40 minutes past our usual leaving time, in my opinion finding things for us to do that could have waited. Also at one point we were just standing around waiting to go. I was talking about hiring some kids to come mow her down with paint balls in the parking lot some night, but the more I thought about it the more I thought; I'm not that mean. (but I did think up a cute little short film idea for a Don Corleone scene where the guy asking is an adult and Don Corleone is a kid sipping milk and petting a tea-cup chihuahua. The guys shooting paint balls do it like they got Sonny in The Godfather.) I ticked my brother off by scaring him as he sat in the truck waiting to pick-up my sister (didn't mean to piss him off). It was after 11:30 by the time I got home.

All of that makes a normal day like today seem down right nice. And hey, it could always be worse... (I could be that jerky Ebay guy)

Brother could you spare a...

I was asked more than once today for what I would consider office supplies it almost makes me want to scream, "GO TO OFFICE DEPOT!" (or Staples, or Kinkos, or Target, or AOE* local) I have been asked for things or that they want to buy them at the library even the books that they check out they ask if they can buy them or just "have" like give them an item. Here is a list of the few I could remember being asked for:

Rubber bands
Paperclips
Envelopes
Manilla Envelope
Binder
Hole punch
Scissors
White Out
Postage Stamps
Report cover
Floppy Disk
USB Drive
Memory Stick Reader
Scanner
CD

And last but not least... Money! to pay fines or printing or copiers
and even once just basically begging in the library

Things Patrons Say

We were discussing how Library patrons say things that mean something completely different. It is always to make it sound like something the library has done wrong or needs to fix. I thought I'd share it with you for laughs and maybe some readers can add ones in their own life.

The copier is out of paper = I don't know how to use the copier
Printer has printed my paper wrong = I don't know how to print things
Printer is broken = Don't know how to use the printer
Computer won't take my password = I didn't read the printing instructions
The book isn't on the shelf = I don't know how to find books
You didn't check-in the book I returned = I didn't return the book
I didn't check those things out = I lost the items
Fines were not things I checked out = I forget anything more than a week ago
I shouldn't have to pay that = I don't want to pay the fines
The internet isn't working = I don't know how to use the computer
I can't afford to pay the fines = I don't want to pay the fines

Sometimes there are exceptions and the person really doesn't have the money or something isn't working correctly, but that is so rare that we have found it hard to believe patrons on first blush.

Book Review: Scat by Carl Hiaasen

Right now I'm reading all of the Hillsborough County Battle of the Books titles for grades 6 to 8. I am one of the librarians participating as volunteers in the county-wide competition. I just finished Scat by Carl Hiaasen. The book was quick, quirky, endearing, and informative but not overly-so. Nick Waters, the main character, has a lot to deal with: his father's injured return from Iraq, his teacher goes missing, a school mate is wrongly accused of arson, and a baby Florida panther is at risk of dying. Hiaasen's mix of heart warming combined with hilarity mixed with a dose of environmental awareness bakes up a great story. I recommend it as light reading for adults and middle-school students.

A is for Always Annoying

In our library parking lot we have signs all over the place that say "Library Parking Only" and one that even says "Owners will be towed at Their Own Expense". People disregard it because we almost never tow anyone. Next door there is a doctor, dentist, and maybe another business and they abuse our parking lot. They disregard the signs. The library has put notes on their vehicles, talked to their businesses, and even said to them when they walk from our parking lot to their business. Sometimes it is one of those slight annoyances like when you know someone is being ignorantly rude. Other times it is down right aggravating, such as yesterday when our parking lot was full and an employee had to circle around for several minutes to find a spot.



Above you will find one of our "multiple offenders" this person actually advertises the business that they run nearby on the back of their SUV while totally ignoring the signs. I have posted pictures so you can see they are parked RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SIGN. Ridiculous! You can also see their business phone number so if you have the time you can call them and point out their... (I can't find the right word so fill in the blank). I have thought of leaving a personal note or worse but instead I pray for self control to not let the air out of their tires or worse. I should probably pray for them they really learn... to read and to be considerate.

If it were up to me we'd put up a sign who the tow company is that will be towing vehicles we see illegally parked (part of the problem is we need additional signage). Put another notice out, just to be thorough and then tow them. Get an agreement to share part of the tow fee with the company and THEN TOW THEM; maybe $100 or more loss will get their attention.

What I want to be when I grow up

When you are a kid you keep changing your mind about what you want to do or what you want to be when you grow up. I keep saying I want to be: police officer, firefighter, actuary, business owner, Supervisor of Elections... {these are all occupations that I have said I'd like to be in the last year}

Well, after last night's moving tribute to War Correspondent Marie Colvin I heard on the BBC World Service; I'd like to add that to my list of things I'd like to be. These people go in and out of dangerous places like spies, putting their lives on the line to tell the stories of the soldier, the victim, the "collateral damage", the massacred - regular people: women, men, boys, girls, babies caught in the cross-fire or simply target of the senseless of war. Seeing death and despair all around them and reporting it.

Many of the people interviews mentioned Marie Colvin's last article found in The Sunday Times (19 February 2012) being one of her best ever, here is the hear breaking and moving account from Homs, Syria http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/public/news/article874796.ece

Good for your brain too!

A Great Article in the New York Times discusses how exercise also helps your brain. Here is the part that I found most enlightening, "After the single session on the treadmill, the animals were allowed to rest and feed, and then their brain glycogen levels were studied. The food, it appeared, had gone directly to their heads; their brain levels of glycogen not only had been restored to what they had been before the workout, but had soared past that point, increasing by as much as a 60 percent in the frontal cortex and hippocampus and slightly less in other parts of the brain. The astrocytes had “overcompensated,” resulting in a kind of brain carbo-loading."

You can read the whole article here: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/22/how-exercise-fuels-the-brain/?src=me&ref=general

Criminal Minds

I'm not talking about the show, although I do enjoy watching Hotch, JJ, and Dr. Reed. I'm talking about the one I heard about today at the library.

A patron told me that the fines on his card were due to someone who stole his identity, and used his ID to get a library card. Then that criminal used the library card to check out 4 DVDs and returned them late. What a thoughtful foe. If it were me I wouldn't think to use a stolen identity to get a library card, but if I did, I would check out the 25 max number of DVDs and NOT RETURN them.

But that's just me, imagine you have a stolen identity, not that any of my readers would, but imagine in Bizarro world that you have one. What would you do with it?

Origin Story

A few years ago I learned that an "Origin Story" is the term given to first in relation to comic book superheroes; where they came from, how they were created, how they got their super powers; you get the idea.

I thought I'd start with the "Origin Story" of this blog. Well, I read a book that talked about the benefits of starting a blog. I read several other blog that I will probably link to on the side because they are funny, informative, and it will be like a list of bookmarks for me (bonus), and I've thought people might find me entertaining. The title Crazy Monkey came from a stuffed animal that I would entertain my brother and two sisters with. I would do a silly voice and say, "I'm a craaazy monnnkey!"; later on my brother drew a few Crazy Monkey comics, if I find them I'll scan them and show them online.

I'll try to keep my posts short, funny, with pictures... Anything else you can think of? Comment and tell me what you think about my posts, blog, or anything else.